Friday, January 4, 2019

Vibration


Summers holiday buzz,

A ringing, sleek,bumblebee,spirals and climbs around my head.

pavement.

yard, grass. Forest. A tree.

Singular, and arched out. Bowing towards me with its gut.
Lined, visceral, alive, pulsing.
shattering truth, illusions, deceptions, wit.

My face is bright. It is glowing. Radiant sun piercing through the cloud veil.
I dream a time of no function, no sediment, only pure glory.

Hanging on the precipice of consciousness, humming and stable bells reverberate the music of heart, of love. There is nothing left un-vibrated.

I will find my best adorning the rings, being in the radiance, receiving and replenishing. Continuous renewal forevermore. Actions and thought in my true life to be a soil rich and gritty base to the medium of love.

cresting moments, on the vicious swarming edge of my pain and terror. When the blackness of the sucking roots of mis-fortunous grief sear and reveal hard cancer intertwined in my chest. Still I am in the witness of silent surrender.

Close to me - a call: fragile, small and sugared - cuts a biopsy. My heart is revealed, all sides and chambers ticking, flexing, electrified, tuned.

Low, the soles of my feet are softened in elixir that trickles up through the spinning cylinders of my legs. I breathe. Ring.

High in the colours forming faces of loves here and before, and thereafter. A blessing and crown of white berries for my protection. Peace.

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Skill Acquisition Part One: Inspiration



Sill Acquisition Part One:


Inspiration

Inspiration can be a fickle and mysterious business. It is so deeply present and undeniable when it is there, yet it leaves so much left to be discovered it’s a wonder we ever trust it at all. Despite this odd characteristic, it is extremely vital to the creative process.

A few years ago, on a sunny afternoon, I took my hammock and my ipod classic out to the park to relax. I set up, put on some tunes, and leaned back while the crows in the trees above me had an epic turf war. This park had an interesting shape to it. There was a large rolling hill of grass that became quite steep near the top, and it was entirely ringed with huge old trees. Near the crest there was a sort of bowl shape than spanned the width of the park, which I later learned was about 120 meters across.

After soaking in the beats of Radiohead’s new album, I packed up got in my car and started to drive around the top of the park. Then I saw something that absolutely mystified me. Across the entire width of the park attached to two trees on either side was a long thin white line vibrating and shimmering in the sun. It stretched down low nearly to the ground, weighted by a short but beautifully balanced person standing right in the center of the line. I gawked. It’s a wonder I didn’t crash my car, I was transfixed by this person slowly and meticulously stepping foot by foot to the other side.

Just like that, inspiration had set itself in.

Over the next few posts, I’m going to hash out the mountainous challenge that every person faces when attempting to have influence over their lives. This process, is an essential ingredient to self-fulfillment, and in building our influence over our circumstances. It is the process of acquiring new skills and abilities.

Today, we’ll talk about the SPARK the FLAME the FLOP.


The SPARK:

The spark is that special, hard to define moment of increased awareness, a spike or a peak in keen curiosity to something new, or to a new thought/perspective previously left cloaked in your mind. It is when your eyes seem to pulse open for a moment, and an unequivocal grin begins to form, perhaps your heart even beats faster.

I am foolishly hungry for newness and exploration, so I can become obsessed with finding the spark since it is so new and exciting. Sometimes my search is to the detriment to my own best interests. Think back to a moment in which you discovered something new, and it deeply peaked your curiosity. Maybe it’s something as simple as a new band you hadn’t heard of and you went home and downloaded everything they had. Maybe it was something bigger, a career path, a passion, a new lover. Now think of one that didn’t last very long. Maybe you tried to learn an instrument and were filled with an initial sense of passion, but it quickly fizzled out. A big piece of why you didn’t succeed in acquiring that skill is because you never turned your SPARK into a FLAME.


The FLAME

Turning the spark into a flame is where the real trickery and difficulty is hidden. Our lives are filled with tending to many fires. Imagine that every important area of your life was an individual fire, one for job, one for friends, a relationship, etc etc. They are all placed perfectly in a ring, and you can only tend one at a time. Some things in your life you just can not let burn out, and others you can over tend, stacking fuel until they consume the two fires closest and you can’t even tell the difference anymore. How many of you know someone who has a job that entirely consumed other areas of their lives? Or how about a partner?

All is fair in love and war, and we have all been burned one way or another before and learned our lessons. But how does this apply exactly to acquiring skill, in turning a spark into a flame?

The real trick lays in planning a new fire pit for a new flame. When you go off of a spark alone and trust it to keep to itself without giving it the proper intention and focus, it will quickly be gobbled up by a hotter burning flame. As someone who has spent a long time going off the heat of sparks alone, I know that if you want to have something new come into your life and develop, you have to make the space for it to exist.

I should mention the fuel for the flames. It lays in your intention, your energy, your thoughts, and your time. In your fire circle, the flame that burns the brightest and the hottest is always the one that gets the most of your intention and your time. Becoming diligent and mindful will keep these areas from consuming other flames that are important to you.

So to adopt a new skill, and to bring a new aspect to your life once the spark sets, it is essential you make adjustments to your fire circle, freeing space for another flame. This can be done in so many ways. Maybe it means learning not to worry about some things as much, as that takes a lot of mental bandwidth. Maybe it means cutting time spent on extraneous things that don’t fulfill you as deeply as this new flame would, *cough*Netflix*cough.

If you can free that space in your fire circle, and put in the extra intention to your inspired new interest, then you stand a decent chance of turning that spark into a flame. That is provided you get through the dreaded FLOP.


The FLOP:

The Flop is a point in the inspiration process that everyone hits, every time, without fail. Since we are dealing with inspiration here, the flop reveals itself suddenly and in varied ways. Understanding the flop and knowing it exists as opposed to not is like driving over a deep pothole at 60km/h with shocks as opposed to a stiff frame. The flop can come at any time while turning a spark into a flame.

The flop is simply and difficultly the feeling of recoil or disgust upon discovering something new about the object of our inspiration, but that something isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker. We have all had the feeling of being on an incredible first date, blissfully in the throws of affection only to discover later that our date is a member of our opposing political party, or hates Radiohead. It’s a distasteful piece of information to digest, but when you really look at it, it’s not as if things would explode instantly in your face. It’s just a major bummer, and it gives you an out. Whether or not you take that out is when you decide the fate of the spark, plain and simple.

After I drove past the park gawking at the slack-line walker and got home, I immediately researched slack-lining. I saw videos of incredible feats of daring people walking lines without a harness over deep gorges, waterfalls, and canyons. I found a Vancouver facebook group of slack-liners, and the very next day I went out and bought myself a beginner line, then ran out to the park to set it up. I was in the throws of the spark of inspiration.

Then I found it was actually really tough just to even find the right spot to set up my line. Some trees were way too close, others were too far, some were just right but they had low hanging limbs that got in the way. One pair I found was perfect, except that the trunk of one tree was too wide for the ratchet side of my line to go around. When I finally  managed to set up the line, I jumped up on one foot and my leg wobbled so hard under me that I tipped right off. I bounced onto the line with my body, tumbled over the side of it and slammed my legs hard onto the ground. This was hard, really hard. Welcome to the flop.

That was my out right there, I could have easily taken down the set up and returned it with no one the wiser. You know what? I didn’t even think twice, and I got right back on the line. Within a month or two I was walking the full length, and by the end of the summer I could lay down on the line, drop to one knee, walk backwards, jump on to start, and I could easily eye up two trees to set it up anywhere I liked. I taught friends and strangers how to start walking the line and felt so happy to see their progress in 30 minutes exceed my own over the first 3 hours I spent by myself the day I bought it.

The flames you build have the ability to warm not only you but the people around you.

Inspiration is the first organic and spontaneous step in skill acquisition. The Spark will light you up, fire your energy and set you careening with blissful abandon. If you are diligent and mindful, you can set a place in your fire circle for an incoming new flame. When you nurture a spark into a flame, you will hit the inevitable FLOP. It is your sacred ‘out’ and you can choose to react to it any way you like.

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Intention


A large part of why I chose to do this project, and what inspired me to make something every day was that I felt it would be an automatic intention process. When I thought about making something every day, I realistically mused about the trials of regular life getting in the way, and considered there would eventually just be ‘one of those days’ that rushed by without enough ‘time’ or energy to get something done. I realized that there is a lot of life that winds up getting tossed into this category of ‘sorry excuses’ for me.

I have always been someone who finds interest in many things. I really like to broadly explore different and especially new activities, expressions, information, and experiences. You know, it hasn’t always been a fun or easy part of who I am but I have learned to love and value that drive in myself.

What can be difficult with this is that I’ll come upon something, gain some visceral intense knowledge about it and obsess over it with all of my time and focus for weeks, then it winds up hanging there, another collected idea drifting in the air. Later on when I come back to it I can be filled with a sense of confusion, or frustration, or self-judgement.

So intention is the key here. Truth be told I really do want to explore and commit to many different things. I want to widen my horizons all the time and not let things fall into complacency or unchallenging humdrum life. I have been there before, and I’m no longer just a spectator to my own life.

When I began to plan out this year long exploration I was immediately hit with thoughts like “what if you can’t fit it in one day? Don’t you think that is way too long in the future to commit?” etc etc. There was this part of me that was essentially planning for failure, or trying to make loopholes for my inevitable demise.

I’m not here to battle my own mind with hardness, grit, determination, and sheer will power. This isn’t a forced struggle against the toughness of my own circumstance and habit. What is following and flowing is a meticulous and intentional unlocking and deconstruction of the damn built on the river of my creation. I’m not declaring a winner or a loser, there is no game being played to win, there is no end. I’m declaring a daily and continuous commitment and dedication to me and my journey of creation. Damn straight I’m still on the first days high, you better believe it.

I do have an insurance policy of sorts for this, and that would be you reader: my social retribution! That’s right, I’m using you. It makes sense to share this experience publicly. At the end of the day, I know that if I bomb I’ve got some people watching. I’d beat myself up a bit for that grave failure, but I’d feel it even worse knowing that others are on the sidelines, either cheering me on or grinning at my struggle hoping for a cataclysmic meltdown. Thankfully right now I really don’t need that insurance policy, but it is nice to know I have it.

Another sort of mind trick I’m going to employ is a sheet of paper each month with all of the days boxed out. Every time I complete the task for the day I’ll check the box! Ooooo, exciting! In all honesty I feel a little lame about this tactic, but I have recently come across some compelling research into what makes people motivated to change their habits. A big piece of the puzzle is social, and another is immediate reward. Right now checking the box doesn’t feel very rewarding, but hopefully that will change.

So I will end this write up with some questions for you. How is your intention? How do you internalize the things you want to accomplish? In other words, what motivates you to change?

-Mark

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

A New Year, a New Project


Aha! A beginning!

Hello all that come upon these words, thank you for taking time to check out the various brain children I’ll be birthing forth to the harsh cold reception of public scrutiny. Allow me to ask that you either smother these ill begotten beasts of creative burden and banish them forever, or nurture them gently and tenderly for them to grow beyond my recognition.

What the fuck am I doing, you might ask?
You know, I hardly can make decent guesses most days.

Today marks the beginning of a special new project, that was long hashed out and thought and processed over for grueling months and months of difficult brain work.
OK not really, I decided this pretty recently. BUT, I am as committed as anyone can be on the first day of a brand new NEW YEAR. It kills me that this is directly after Christmas, I’m over-socialized, overtired, bloated and delirious from all the baked goods, sounds like a great time to make a personal commitment which will take a large chunk of my time and intention.

Well thats it isn’t it? Where does that silly time go, and what on earth did we do with it?

Over this new year of 2019, and especially over January, I hope to un-package and talk about all that time and intention, and what to do with it by writing. I’ll tell you stories, I’ll write poems, and sometimes I’ll just come straight at ya like this, KAPLOW! So watch out, I might hit you with some word grenades.

A few weeks ago I started musing over the idea of creating things, crafting things, art, my output, my skills and interests, you know, the stuff that normally spirals around in my brain, and I came up with an idea.

Late 2017 I accepted a job working at an after school arts program for elementary kids, teaching story, theatre, and some arts and crafts. Recently I’ve been pondering the amount of broad technique and ability the kids at my program get exposed to. They are constantly making things, they have a starving appetite for creation.

At some point in the bridge between child and adult a lot of us ‘non-creatives‘ who have long since decided that they are just ‘not the creative type‘ put down the glue, scissors, pens and markers, and vow to never attempt the art life again. Some of us, by blind ignorance, defiant anarchism, pure talent, passion, or any other odd non-sensible reason go the other direction and dive deep into the creative waters of the arts.

Well I’m here to tell you that it is impossible not to be creative. I’m not even touting that “it’s a skill and you can learn it like anything else” no no no. I’m saying that you inherently just because you are alive and human, are deeply, intuitively, passionately creative. Wether you are aware of it or if you believe it makes zero difference, it just is.

Maybe you have held on to the idea that creative people are different and that you will never be that way, and ‘how dare you Mark, who are you to say what is and isn’t possible, I’m not creative and that’s just the way that it is.‘

Well to that I say, correct who am I? But you are creative and always will be. What matters is intention, and medium. So you aren’t an ‘artist‘ (whatever the fuck that means) by any traditional sense, but maybe you are a receptionist and your system, desk, organization and optimization clicks like a high grade swiss watch. Your work shit is impeccable, nothing slips by your astute gaze. That’s art too, you created that, it is the product of your intentional change to your direct environment, it’s your art.

When you choose to remove the decisions and beliefs about what things are or aren’t inherently art or creative, art begins to become a lens through which you see the world more deeply, and an outcome by which to modify and transform the world.

Because I am an artist (whatever the fuck that means), and I am choosing to open myself deeper to the depths of my intention and creation, for every day this year I am dedicated to at least one creative contribution to my surroundings and life. This writing you are reading marks the first piece for the month of January, which I have labeled as
‘The Month of Writing.’

Here are the months:
January: The Month of Writing

February: The Month of the Body and Movement

March: The Month of Music

April: The Month of Drawing

May: The Month of Food

June: The Month of Dance

July: The Month of Performance

August: The Month of Sculpture

September: The Month of Painting

October: The Month of Story

November: The Month of Collaboration

December: The Month of Inter-discipline


I am feeling a mix of lots of different emotions as I look at this list and try to imagine where I’ll be and what things will be like with this project in the later months. There is a part of me that feels as if this has just blossomed before my eyes like a magical task from the heavens and a little voice thats saying ‘Do it! Go Mark go!‘ I am anticipating some trials and difficulties, but I can’t deny that I am mostly full of excitement of what sorts of things I’ll make, and where I will be lead.

So here’s me raising a glass in toast to all of you reading and watching, and to all of you that have been invested in my creative journey. I hope your new year brings you as much intention and creation as possible.

Peace and blessings,

Mark

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Once you

Once you-
around, or close.
Now lost
in behind.
Or tucked out of sight
behind a shelf.
Slight and flat
like a forgotten cracker.


My mind
wants to borrow your smell.
My skin can’t produce it.
I smelled it
outside the bakery
in a flash.
where
does it live.
your heart’s bloody
iron can’t do.
Your body lives,
it wont show.
A fragrance, in sight.
gone.

Blossoms to be
taken and used up.
In apricot beds,
tiny buds
for bushy bees.
Honey made,
job’s never done.
Now green
fitted to the stalk.
Soon stable and grand
for the summer.